Posts by Open mind

71

The ten best ways to disrupt a District Assembly:

by czarofmischief in

1. have an apostate food truck outside with free burritos and shasta cola.. 2. wear a smurf costume and run across the stage.. 3. bikini car wash across the street.. 4. have an old-school breakdancing session on the corner, cardboard and all.

bonus if you do it on a mat made of watchtowers and primary colored book covers.. 5. have a garage sale or flea market in the neighborhood during the afternoon session.. 6. sit in the audience and applaud everything that anybody says - try to get a standing ovation for each sentence of the closing prayer.. 7. put a recording of rap, heavy metal, or other forbidden music on instead of the kingdom melodies.. 8. get fifty of your friends to walk around in the stadium during the session, holding signs that say, "louder please!

" and "take your shirt off!

Open mind

This one would take two people to work smoothly, but would definitely be memorable for all in attendance.

About 1 minute before the song starts for the afternoon session the following happens:

Conspirator #1 sits within 100-200 feet of the stage wearing typical MS/Elder apparel. He has the electronic controls set up inside his shoes (ideally) or at minimum held in his lap underneath a jacket.

Conspirator #2 walks into the auditorium casually carrying a picnic bag which actually contains a fairly inexpensive radio-controlled helicopter. He approaches a row of seats near the stage with a good line of sight to Conspirator #1. He sets the RC helicopter on an empty seat and immediately heads for an exit, never to be seen again.

Conspirator #1 is at the ready the whole time. If Joe Attendant notices the helicopter right off the bat and makes a move towards it, Conspirator #1 springs into action. (Or at least his fingertips do.) The helicopter flies up to the top of the speakers on a pole, well out of anyone's reach. Hopefully though, it goes relatively unnoticed. The 'copter stays up there until the best talk to disrupt begins. (Preferably a Bethel speaker or the dreaded "Keynote Address".) Then the copter is flown down to the stage, making one or two passes of the podium before settling down conspicuously on the front part of the stage. If attendants rush the platform to remove it, the copter flies back up to the top of the speakers and waits. If the attendants choose to ignore it, it will lift up and down on the front of the stage every minute or two. Just imagine how interesting this talk would be to all the kids in attendance! The attendants are damned if they do, damned if they don't do anything about it.

om

27

Serv. Mtng DEMO from last week: How would a "real" householder respond?

by Open mind in

my wife and i call in to the cbs/tms/sm once or twice a month and only listen to the announcements.

last week the announcements included a demo of a jw woman trying to peddle mags to a female householder.

her intro went like this:.

Open mind

sooner7nc: "John Q. Householder" LOL. Good luck with that and be sure to let us know if you ever give it a try.

Just little bit off topic: Is the word "householder" just a little bit culty? I told a co-worker that JWs use that word and he thought it sounded a bit strange.

wasblind: HILARIOUS! Especially this part: "Publishers questions takin' from Reasoning from the Scriptures book page 16"

farkel: Sounds like you're in the same kind of mood I was in last night.

I'm reminded of Jack Nicholson's response to the neighbor's Bible thumping cleaning lady in the movie "As Good as it Gets".

"Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City "Sailor wanna hump-hump" bar, or is it getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here."

mrsJones: "just because I may tell a person what my name is doesn't mean they're going to get anywhere with me."

C'mon Josie, I got some swampland to sell you. C'mon Josie, Josie, Josie, Josie, Josie, Josie, Josie, Josie.... Not working?

jwfacts: "What are you selling?"

"Oh we're not selling anything. What we're doing is part of a worldwide Bible education work. If you'd like to make a small donation I'd be happy to accept it."

om

27

Serv. Mtng DEMO from last week: How would a "real" householder respond?

by Open mind in

my wife and i call in to the cbs/tms/sm once or twice a month and only listen to the announcements.

last week the announcements included a demo of a jw woman trying to peddle mags to a female householder.

her intro went like this:.

Open mind

OUTLAW: "What do you want?" LOL!!!

Maybe I was just in a particularly cranky mood when I heard the demo, but my knee-jerk, UNSPOKEN response to "....and yours is?" was this:

"NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!" Followed by OUTLAW's response.

cult classic: "I would greet them, give my name and ask what they're visit was concerning."

Any chance you're from the Southern U.S.? Just a guess. The graciousness of Southerners never ceases to amaze me.

BTW, that's probably how I would ACTUALLY respond if a JW who didn't know me actually did knock on my door. I'm polite to a fault IRL. My wife and I like to make snarky comments with the Mute button on while listening to the KH announcements.

MrFreeze: "Funny, I've lived in my new neighborhood for three months now and have not seen one single JW"

Maybe that's because someone like me has your territory checked out.

coco: "Coco seeks improvement".

You don't still knock on doors do you?

Billy: "...Sparlock"

Good one.

om

27

Serv. Mtng DEMO from last week: How would a "real" householder respond?

by Open mind in

my wife and i call in to the cbs/tms/sm once or twice a month and only listen to the announcements.

last week the announcements included a demo of a jw woman trying to peddle mags to a female householder.

her intro went like this:.

Open mind

LOL @ ammo & goshawk!

Good point. However, this demo was between two females and I'm assuming there wasn't any lesbian chemistry involved.

So, revising the OP just a smidge, if a JW who's about your age and is not sexually attractive to you, were to knock on your door and ask you your name, how would you take it?

om

27

Serv. Mtng DEMO from last week: How would a "real" householder respond?

by Open mind in

my wife and i call in to the cbs/tms/sm once or twice a month and only listen to the announcements.

last week the announcements included a demo of a jw woman trying to peddle mags to a female householder.

her intro went like this:.

Open mind

My wife and I call in to the CBS/TMS/SM once or twice a month and only listen to the announcements. Last week the announcements included a demo of a JW woman trying to peddle mags to a female householder. Her intro went like this:

"Hi, my name is Mary, and yours is?"

Even though we were only on the phone, I could feel her big old cheesy "Kingdom Smile" crackling through the transmission wires.

Of course, in the perfect world of KH demos, the householder without a moment's hesitation or irritation said "Barbara" and the unrealistic demo continued on with the usual pablum.

As we were listening though, our reaction was quite different.

How about you? If a stranger knocks on your door, uninvited and wants to know your name, how would you respond?

om

18

Is the Watchtower Society a Doomsday Cult?

by God_Delusion in

howdy guys and gals!.

do the jehovah's witnesses belong to a doomsday cult?

i wrote this article which asks the question.

Open mind

So glad you're back and posting again OUTLAW!

This place just wasn't the same without you.

And yeah, they, like all systems of religious belief are by definition a cult, and as OUTLAW so graphically demonstrated above, they can't shut up about the Big A being right around the corner.

om

22

Sparlock has a different name in some other languages

by cedars in

jw
friends

i know for a fact that our beloved hero sparlock has been given a different name in at least one other language version of the "become jehovah's friend" dvd.

caleb has also been given a different name in the same video.

obviously it makes a degree of sense to rename caleb according to names that are common in various different countries.

Open mind

Not sure why, but for some reason I thought cedars was in Great Britain. Oh well, I definitely understand the need for discretion.

My take on the name Sparlock: When I first heard it I thought it was a hybrid of "spar" (sparring, fighting, warring) and "arlock" (shortening of Warlock, male witch, i.e. wizardry). Thus was the Warrior Wizard born!

om

38

Keep Asking, Keep Seeking, Keep Knocking...

by AGuest in

jw
friends

to the household of god, israel, and those who go with... may you all have peace!.

i meant to post this very simple message to you earlier but was distracted.

the truth.

Open mind

Good morning Shelby. I'll post a picture of your little girl in a little bit over on Flipper's thread.

Thanks for not engaging in your ministry (at least not to this extent) while at the Apostafest. It was truly a pleasure to meet you, your hubby and your pups.

om

22

Sparlock has a different name in some other languages

by cedars in

jw
friends

i know for a fact that our beloved hero sparlock has been given a different name in at least one other language version of the "become jehovah's friend" dvd.

caleb has also been given a different name in the same video.

obviously it makes a degree of sense to rename caleb according to names that are common in various different countries.